A Night on the Town
Here is Wes’ night, in chronological order, to the extent that I can remember. The following was scribbled on a series of post-it notes littered with drawings of dinosaurs and an Indian girl’s phone number:
-begins his pregame at The Giraffe House. drinks 6 shots.
-pees on side of Giraffe House
-walks by a police officer. Starts singing the song “lets get fucked up” and attempts to break dance. Police officer stares dissapointedly.
-hits party number one. drinks two beers. tells owner of house that she has the most beautiful knees ever and that they should “totally grab coffee sometime.”
-pees on side of house.
-plays a game of beer pong. tells everybody he is on football team. nobody believes him.
-challenges actual football player to dance off.
-walks to taco bell. eats burrito.
-meets us at party twenty minutes later.
-tells us a “funny story” concerning burrito that does not make sense. (we think he threw out half the burrito)
-drinks 4 jager-bombs. calls girl “chief.” she throws beer on him.
-goes to bathroom for fifteen minutes. he either has just pooped his pants or done cocaine.
-goes to party number three. combination of hipsters and asian-americans.
-drinks 3 shots called “ghetto-fabs.”
-makes out with indian girl.
-fights with indian girl, saying that she should “go back to her reservation.” she responds with “wrong kind of indian you jerk.”
-walks back to giraffe house. pees on house.
-sees bike. starts riding bike. breaks bike. leaves bike.
-throws bike in red cedar.
-pees onto bike, hands.
-walks back to giraffe house.
-tells me he’s glad we’re friends.
-sees a bike cop. calls him a “nazi.”
-contemplates throwing police blockade. ponders “why they would put a blockade there if they didn’t want people to throw it.”
-throws police blockade.
-gets tackled by a bike cop.
-refuses to take a breathalyzer unless he talks to his lawyer.
-asks bike cop “do your bikes go fast?”
-gets taken to jail. spends night in jail.
-blows a .02. in the morning. gets m.i.p.
-calls me to pick him up.
Best night ever? Probably not. A night worth remembering? Probably not. A night? Yes.
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