The Giraffe House

Well, my first few weeks of college are out of the way … I think I’m finally getting settled into the House. My roommates are terrifying … In a good way. I mean … I lock my door at night, but they’re cool.

Like Wes. This weekend he had this crazy party here, and he gave me a shot of … something alcoholic. It burned. I had trouble talking for the next couple days but he said that was normal. He loves to do ridiculous shit. He laid out some cushions at the bottom of the stairs and made me jump first. I jammed my finger but I think he respects me more as a man. His girlfriend is a spy. Ok, we don’t actually know that but she wasn’t speaking English the other day so how else would you explain that?! Wes caught her “pooping.” I don’t believe him, though, that’s just … not possible. I don’t want to think about it.

Alex is kind of a dick, but in a cool way. He’s got this smile where he doesn’t move his mouth. It’s more like a smirk, really, and mostly with his eyes. Anyway, the girls love it. He gets laid a lot. I wonder what that feels like … To get laid a lot, not like ever, or  …  I’m gonna ask him for pointers.

And then there’s Chris. He … um … is  …  you know, just … I guess? Mostly he keeps to himself, but occasionally he shows up and tries to have really awkward conversations with people. Like last week he apparently went anal with a 43 year old hooker. I guess he didn’t have a condom and didn’t want to catch anything. I don’t think it worked though cause ever since he’s been scratching his junk a lot. Sometimes like right in my face, too.

Not awesome.

He’s a good listener, though. Definitely.

I think there might be a ghost in the attic. I keep hearing strange noises at night. I’m not scared, or anything … cuz my door is locked … but it’s a bit concerning.

—Max