13 October 2009 ~ 38 Comments

When The Gang Gets Drunk

Last night, after eating an entire whole box of Ho-Hos, I had a crazy stomach ache and holding back the urge to sing “Livin’ la vida Loca” from the top of my lungs.  Unfortunately that itch was never scratched … maybe tonight? Any who, I was lying in bed thinking. Yes, I actually think. How do you think I got into college? Nevermind. Don’t answer that. I was thinking about what kind of insane shit the guys (and Wes’s spooky girlfriend, Jo) do when they get drunk. I mean, I probably have committed a number of acts I wouldn’t care to remember, but sometimes just watching them is like free HBO. Sometimes it’s better – what’s up with all that vampire shit, anyways?

When Alex hits the bottle, he gets more attractive than he usually is; it’s pretty hard to wrap my mind around.  It’s almost as if a switch flips and it drags in all these women. Maybe Alex is really a Siren? I don’t know, but I kinda wanna be him. A lot. One time, though, he brought home a girl that acted like Wes when he was off his meds. It was like she thought she was Batman or something. I’m pretty sure this had to do with the five forty’s of Colt 45 he chugged in a couple hours… maybe? He sure does like the freaks. I can’t say he didn’t warn us, before he went out to find that gem he shouted that he was going fishing for some critical ass. More like crazy ass. When he took her into his Bat cave as she kept calling it, all I could hear him saying was “what do you NEED?!” Possibly she needed some of Wes’s meds or maybe some other type of psychotropic drugs. Yikes.

Wes is a completely different story when he gets wrecked. Wes is more like a freaky Emril. Yeah, the chef guy who sort of looks like Luigi’s brother Mario. You can always tell if Wes was partying if the toaster is filled with skittles. Rainbow toast doesn’t even faze me anymore.  My favorite memory of Wes being drunk was when he was digging around in the fridge convinced that he was going to find Narnia in the vegetable drawer, also known as where I like to keep my hot wheels.  We all tried to convince him that he just needed to go lay down, but after a long night of partying with Jo he wasn’t listening.  Jo even wobbled over still drunk and wearing a pink tutu and a Blossom hat to help.  She kept repeating to him, “Wes, what do I have to do to get you to lay down? Do I have to take my shirt off? I don’t want you to get hurt.”  Unfortunately for me, who was trying to help her, she had no luck with that plan. I guess I’ll have to stick to using stilts to look through the bathroom window.  Damn.

Alex and Wes shitfaced are pretty damn hilarious, but when Max gets really drunk it’s just sad. He’s a crying-cleaner; he cleans and he cries. The last time we let him near any alcohol he washed all the windows and blubbered about how he was going to fail Chemistry because he couldn’t understand his Yugoslavian teacher. If he got his snot on the windows, that made him even more upset. Now we gotta keep the booze in a hiding place incase Max gets a hold of it.  It’s not hard to spot, though. His bedroom door will usually be locked and it will smell like a combination of Pinnacle and Mr. Clean.  Like I said, it’s kind of sad.

Usually when all of us boys party it up, it’s pretty great. Sometimes it will get a little crazy, someone might mistake themself for being an eel and spend 40 minutes trying to reach their room and someone might think the cabinets are screaming at them.  But, the house will end up clean and there will always be some awesome stories to tell.

-Chris

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