The Giraffe House

Christopher McGuigan
Height: 6’11; Weight: 90 in the morning, 85 around dinnertime
Vocal range: really soft to a little bit louder
133 Sneal, East Lansing
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-       West Hills Academy for Gifted Children. Entered the third grade at age four with a tenth grade reading level and fluency in three languages. Promptly assigned line leading and attendance duties, obtained position [...]

-       Nerf War Ammo
-       Butt plug (Butt plug soaked in vodka!)
-       I spill a lot
-       Surprises in Chris’ cereal boxes
-       Surprises in Chris’ sandwiches
-       Trail marker for when I get lost . . .
-       Surprises in Chris’ bed
-       Belly button dusters
-       Ear, nose, and eye plugs
-       Emergencies ; )
-       Starting fires (see: surprises in Chris’ [...]

THINGS I USED TO WORRY ABOUT IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL:
-       Wetting myself… stop it!
-       When is naptime?
-       Why does my pee-pee feel funny in the morning?
-       What is my pee-pee for?
-       What is my pee-pee?
THINGS I USED TO WORRY ABOUT IN HIGH SCHOOL:
-       Why can’t I talk to girls?
-       Where can I get booze?
-       How can [...]